12 weeks

Well we've made it out of what they call the "4th trimester"; my hormones are supposed to be back to normal-ish, although the night sweats say otherwise. And my baby is no longer considered a newborn, but now just an infant. I went back to work this week and it was better than I anticipated. Sunday night I was super emotional and today I feel the Sunday blues coming back to me again. Leaving Monday was tough, but I was fine once I got to work. The days go by pretty quickly, but the week seemed to drag on. By Wednesday I felt like the walking dead, and Friday morning I was emotional again.
The hardest part has just been trying to find my groove in the schedule. I shower at night to have more time in the morning, but between adjusting my schedule around Avery's and still trying to pump before work I'm barely getting there on time. Then I'm spending my breaks pumping when I need to somehow eat lunch and be planning/at meetings, but I just feel rushed and miserable. On top of that I'm only producing about half of what she eats while I'm gone, so reluctantly we are supplementing formula a little bit. I don't know why, but it just makes me feel inadequate and crappy. I know the majority of babies eat formula and all that, and I don't think it would be upsetting to me if this had happened while I was on leave. I think because I know that me being back to work is the problem, it just breaks my heart. I find comfort in knowing that she is getting part of "me" while I'm gone, and to know that's not enough is upsetting. This afternoon I'm going to look for a couple of supplements that are supposed to help boost supply though. Hopefully they work!!

I'm just so glad she is finally taking the bottle with no problems! She is doing so great with it now so I'm not worried about her starving until I'm back!! She's growing so fast and just gets prettier every day. I think she's about to outgrow her 3 month footed pjs, but still has a couple of weeks in the other clothes. Most pants and onesies are a little baggy on my skinny girl! After breaking out in hives one day, we've learned we still need to be washing all the new clothes before she wears them. We did that with all her newborn sized stuff but I've been lazy about it as she's gotten bigger.. I usually just pop tags and go, but after her reaction to the last outfit, I won't be doing that again!! Scary.

The latest milestones for Avery.. She is cooing and trying to laugh every day! In her sleep she rolls to her sides, but isn't making it all the way to her belly. She's outgrown the bassinet part of the playpen and I think she enjoys having the room to sprawl out in the main part of it. She somehow turns her body about 90 degrees from where I lay her. She is napping in her crib now and doing great with it. I think she'll make the transition to her own room in another month or so.
I'm not ready yet! She's always loved to snack on her hands but can now isolate her thumb or one finger to suck on and it's still the cutest thing to me! She's gone from swatting the toys on her play gym to realizing she can grab them! I'm working on trying to get her to grab other toys and stuff. And she's also discovered her lungs.. She used to wake so quietly and start with small fusses until I picked her up. Now she goes from dead asleep to WAHHHHHHHH in no time. She thinks it's funny too, because when I peer at her over the playpen she is all smiles. Little toot!